Have you experienced the strange mix of fear, anxiety, joy, and existential dread that comes with the final year of a decade before the next milestone birthday?
I’m feeling all the feelings as I finish up the last few months of my 30s. I bought my first bird book. It’s sarcastic and satirical and it felt like a warm welcome into another decade where I can be comforted by humor.
Change is hard.
It can happen in an instant, or slowly over time. Both can feel aggressive and uncomfortable when you sit down with it and reflect… And in reflection, it can also provide a new perspective and become a source of gratitude. But I’m not ready for that kind of optimism or toxic positivity yet, let’s not dismiss the discomfort in search for the silver lining.
What’s even more challenging, is when change isn’t a decision. We can cling to anything that provides a sense of safety as we hold so much fear of the unknown. We can act desperately when we feel like we don’t have choice, or when there is uncertainty.
During Covid, I was desperately consuming webinars to try to feel a sense of growth and avoid the uncomfortable feelings of not having control. One learning stuck with me and I can’t remember the source, but it was on universal stress triggers.
- Uncertainty / fear of the unknown
- Lack of information or too much information
- Loss of control
Those three lines resonated with me deeply.
I try to bring attention to this for others so they can feel the burden and the relief of knowing we all experience it and normalizing how most of these stress factors exist in our conflicts.
And just like my earliest conflict resolution training, the solution starts with the same mantra: Get curious.
Why is there a lack of certainty? Is there anything that could bring more certainty? (umm…) Can I gain more information? If I cannot, can I trust that I will make the best decision possible at the time? Can I seek help? (yes!) Do I ever really have control? (eek!) Can I trust in my skills and be open to learning from my mistakes and find gratitude in that? (maybe, with practice…)
So I get curious, and I try to allow myself to be uncomfortable, grateful, and trusting in myself.
Take that anxiety!
…Although maybe I’m just shifting my stress into overthinking and analysis paralysis.
Oh well… still a work in progress.
Nicole Robidoux 
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